News For Bruce Fans: Some Ridiculously Bad and Some Slightly Interesting…

One of my favorite blogs, Angry Asian Man, has posted a bunch of movie news lately. The regular readers of the Cheddar Box (all 5 of them) know that I love Bruce Lee. So imagine my reaction when I found out that Warner Brothers is planning to do a shitty remake of Lee’s masterpiece, Enter The Dragon. Angry Asian Man summed it up perfectly, so I’ve decided to cheat and paste his entire post about it:

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warner brothers, you bastards


I can’t believe this. This is the worst idea in the history of cinema. This is a tragedy. This is evil. In a sea of recent movie remakes, both good and bad, there is one movie that should never be touched. EVER. And yet, Variety reports that Warner Independent Pictures is planning a remake of Enter the Dragon. Enter the frickin’ Dragon! This cannot be. I don’t want to believe it: Warners to remake ‘Enter the Dragon’. Kurt Sutter will write and make his feature directing debut on Awaken the Dragon, “a noir-style remake” of Enter the Dragon, the 1973 martial arts classic that made Bruce Lee an international star. It’ll be produced by John Wells, and original movie producers Fred Weintraub and Paul Heller. The bastards. Here are some details:

Sutter said he’s writing “Awaken the Dragon” as a contemporized drama about a lone FBI agent who pursues a rogue Shaolin monk into the bloody world of underground martial arts fight clubs.

Original film starred Lee as a martial artist who’s drafted by law enforcement to participate in a martial arts tournament and infiltrate a drug smuggling operation run from the host’s heavily guarded island.

“I’m a huge noir fan, and this plot lends itself to the film I want to make,” Sutter said. “I wanted to set it in these underground fight clubs where the action is really raw and expose the brutality of Shaolin kung fu. This will be more ‘Raging Bull’ than ‘Crouching Tiger’ in its viciousness.”

Sutter will look to discover a fight star in the role of the monk and cast an established American actor to play the FBI agent.

Noir? This doesn’t sound anything like film noir. Does this Sutter guy even know what the hell he’s talking about? It sounds like a steaming pile of crap. How many suck-ass 1980s direct-to-video action flicks have been set in “the bloody world of underground martial arts fight clubs.” For that matter, hasn’t Enter the Dragon already been remade (and when I say remade, I mean ripped off) countless times over the last 30 years? In everything from Bloodsport to the upcoming Balls of Fury? Hell, Jean-Claude Van Damme is responsible for half of them. We do not need an Enter the Dragon remake. This is just a ridiculous attempt to cash in on the legacy of the original.

In the name of all that is good and decent in the world, do not do this. No doubt, Sutter’s plans for “an established American actor” probably means a “white actor.” Never mind that what was so appealing about the original movie was Bruce Lee himself. The guy was an amazing onscreen presence—a phenomenal martial artist, but just as impressive when he wasn’t doing martial arts. That’s what set him apart. And consider the symbolic, historic impact of Enter the Dragon, as strange as that sounds… an Asian man kicking ass in a Hollywood movie? Unheard of. Revolutionary. Life-changing. I know I’m sounding excessively dramatic, but this remake is a horrible idea. I shake my fist at you, Warner.

 

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Yes, and along with that shaking fist, the Box throws a heaping pile of moldy cheese at you, Warner. The thing is, if you read about the planned remake, it actually sounds like a somewhat cool idea, but its a completely different concept than the amazing original movie…so why say that its a remake and set yourself up for obvious comparisons? I’ll tell you why, for shameless fucking marketing. For cashing in on the legacy of a dead star…our dead star. Fuck your life, Warner Brothers, the Cheddar Box hates you.

 

However, in less depressing Bruce Lee remake related news, it seems that Seth Rogen, star of the comedy Knocked Up, has set his sights on remaking the old Green Hornet tv show into a movie that he will both write and star in. If you don’t know, the tv show was about a bored rich White guy who resorts to crime fighting as the masked superhero Green Hornet to keep himself occupied. Its best remembered for introducing the world to Bruce Lee, who starred as the Hornet’s kung fu fighting sidekick, Kato. Seems that Rogen’s first choice to play Kato would be Stephen Chow, the director and star of Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle. Those movies are friggin great, and I think Chow is a great choice. Read all about it here.

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